It’s a new year! A time when we celebrate past accomplishments, new beginnings, and make resolutions we swear we’ll keep this time, but forget about by Martin Luther King day. This year, let’s try to actually do the things we pinned in the “New Year, New Me” section of our Pinterest boards. Live the life you wanted when you were a little kid. You wanted to be an astronaut? Be an astronaut! A doctor? Start doctoring! A cat? Just start purring and people will pet you, it’s cool, it’s 2016! Whatever you want to do this year, you can do it. To get this year started off right, here are 5 Rut Busters: How to Make 2016 Freaking Awesome.
1. Go to the Gym Less Often
Gyms are boring and sweaty and smell like feet. This year, try being a cultural heavy weight, gaining lbs after lbs of real intellectual gravitas. Read all the books you can find, take all the internet quizzes you can take, enroll in a class at a community college about art or something. Don’t worry about your body, it’s perfect and beautiful and functioning. When you walk into a room in 2016 everybody’s gonna be like, “damn look at the mind on that piece, bring that sexy brain over here,” and you’ll be like “stop catcalling people Steve, it’s so 2015.”
2. Say Hello from the Other Side
It might sound terrifying, but the next time someone texts you, call them. With your voice. On the phone. It’s a great way to keep in touch, and hear a loved ones voice, plus it’ll probably freak them out. Think about it, no more wondering why they haven’t responded after 15 seconds, no more agonizing over those three little texty dots, if there’s silence in a phone call you can just be like “hey Steve where’d you go?” and Steve will be like “oh sorry I got distracted by a cute puppy video, please continue that story you were telling me where I have no confusion about the tone of the situation since I can hear the infection of your voice in real time.” Also, everyone is 2016 is named Steve.
3. Destroy Your Zone of Comfort
Whatever your biggest fear is, this is the time to conquer it. Let’s be real, if the robots and zombies don’t get us soon, that next big earthquake they’re always telling us about will. If you’re afraid of heights, go bungee jumping. Afraid of public speaking? Do some open mic stand-up or take an improv class. Afraid of bats? Get a bat, name him Steve. This is the year of no fear. Get out there and be fearless.
4. Live a Life Worth Stalking
This is the year you stop wasting hours and hours of your time scrolling through the social media feeds of your friends, enemies, and your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend being sad, and jealous, and terrified you’ll like a picture of them from 2006. Your city is full of new, exciting events just waiting for you to experience them. Comedy shows, theater, dance, museums, themed scavenger hunts, with everything the city has to offer, you can literally go out every single night and take photos of your adventures to post so that the whole world can be jealous of you for once. Look who’s stalking now, Steve.
5. Burn Your Cranky Pants
2016 is the year you get happier. Studies have shown that if you just start smiling, you will become happy. Science is weird. You know those annoying people you see out in the world (Steve) smiling all the time for seemingly no reason and you’re like, what’s wrong with them? You could be one of those annoying people! People can think there’s something wrong with you too! Only you won’t care because you are so happy. Sad stuff might happen in 2016, and you can’t change that, but you can change how you react to it. Stub your toe? Smile the pain away. Break up with a significant other. Laugh and be glad you didn’t waste anymore time with them. Get stabbed? Well, you should go to the hospital for that one, but be super nice to all your doctors and nurses.