Attention fans of hilarious comedy! The amazing and talented and not dead (despite what SNL’s 40th Anniversary show may have suggested) Jon Lovitz is coming to San Francisco for a weekend of CRITIC-ly aclaimed, rhinestone cowboy-like, stand-up ACTING performance at Cobb’s Comedy Club. To warm up your laughing muscles before the show, let’s count down the 5 best Jon Lovitz Characters.
5. Steve the Stoned Restaurateur
Friends
Quote: “Well smack my ass and call me Judy!”
Possibly the best portrayal of a stoned person on any prime time sitcom ever. Lovitz, a childhood friend of Friend Lisa Kudrow, plays a super stoned guy who comes over to Monica and Rachel’s for a food tasting and ends up eating a bunch of like, cereal and candy or something instead of the meal Monica has prepared. I really hope Lovitz was actually high during this taping, he was already pretty famous and could have just been like, f*** it, let’s method act!
4. Ernie Capadino
A League of Their Own
“Yeah, I’m just going home, grab a shower and shave, give the wife a little pickle-tickle, and I’m on my way.”
Ernie Capadino made the whole League of Their Own happen. If it wasn’t for his trained discerning recruiter eye we’d have no Dottie or Kit. Even though it’s a small part, Lovitz makes a big impact with his quick quips and remarks. I like to imagine his characters backstory as a failed little league pro who got hit in the groin with a fastball and had to hang up his cleats and recruit.
3. Master Thespain
Saturday Night Live
Quote: “Acting!”
Inspired by an acting teacher Lovitz had at UC Irvine, Master Thespian was a Jon Lovitz SNL staple. The character gave late 70s and early 80s people everywhere a way out of an awkward situation simply by flourishing their hands in the air yelling “Acting!” as they escape the conversation with dignity and good graces intact.
2. Richard Clark
High School High
Quote: “I’ve never been very good with relationships. In fact, most of mine ended with ‘Hey, what are you doing in bed with that other woman?’ And that was me talking!”
I am shocked that this movie won zero Oscars because it is great and Jon Lovitz is great in it. His performance as a clueless high school teacher dealing with rough “street” kids rivals any sister act, renaissance man, O captain My captain anywhere. If you don’t hear the song “Rhinestone Cowboy” and hope the record scratches, you’re dead to me.
1. The Radio
The Brave Little Toaster
Quote: “I’ve always loved travel anyway: the open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grill.”
Before any toys told stories, there was The Brave Little Toaster; the movie that gave children everywhere unhealthy attachments to inanimate objects and completely understandable life long fears of vacuums and used car lots. By far the best and most realized character journey was that of the Radio, voiced by Jon Lovitz. You’re lying if you say your pulse didn’t quicken and palms bedewed with sweat when that weird appliance store owner almost removed the Radio’s tubes. That, my friends, is ACTING!
Fun Fact: During pre-production, Jon Lovitz was cast in SNL but producers were so adamant that Jon Lovitz take the role in TBLT that he recorded all the dialogue in one marathon session.